taste & see [day 28-29]

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I thought for yesterday’s post and today I could share some quotes and a verse that I have been meditating on recently. The quotes that I have shared have been the echo of my heart.

“Mary’s ‘yes’ set off a catalytic reaction down through the ages that impacts us directly today. What will God do with OUR yes.” – Fr. James Mallon

“Of one thing I am perfectly sure: God’s story never ends with ‘ashes.’” – Elizabeth Elliot

“But you, ‘a chosen generation,’ weak things of the world, who have forsaken all things, so that you may follow the Lord, go after him, and confound the strong; go after him, you beautiful feet, and shine in the firmament so that the heavens may declare his glory… Run into every place, O you holy fires, you beautiful fires! You are the light of the world, and you are not put under a measure. He to whom you have held fast has been exalted, and he has exalted you. Run forth, and make it known to all nations.” – Saint Augustine

“The terrible thing, the almost impossible thing, is to hand over your whole self—all your wishes and precautions—to Christ. But it is far easier than what we are all trying to do instead.” – C.S. Lewis

“The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him.” – Lamentations 3:25

taste & see [day 28-29]

taste & see [day 26-27]

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“Please hear me girl: The world has enough women who know how to do their own hair. It needs women who know how to do hard and holy things.” – Ann Voskamp

Oh how I want to be that kind of woman. Not only do I want to do hard and holy things, I want to be an alluring woman – but not in a seductive way (only for my future husband). I want there to be a glow – a God glow – that shines in every pore of my body. I want my heart to draw people in. I want to serve people and serve them well.

I have a handful of older women in my life that I respect and adore. They are strong, loyal, funny, passionate women who have raised incredible young men and women. Their husbands have said, “If I didn’t have my wife, I wouldn’t know how our family could run.” They are glue that holds their families together. They support their husbands while keeping a backbone. The way they interact with others draws me in – it’s their questions and body language that I love.

I want to be like them. I want to raise strong child with compassionate hearts. I want to raise children who love Jesus. I want to love my husband fiercely and love others like Jesus loves us. I want to be a woman of grace, enthusiasm, and joy.

I’m thankful for my mom who has spoke words of truth into my life. I’m thankful for her humor – which has been passed onto me. Her laughter brings me laughter. I’m thankful for how she treats my dad and supports him by waking up at 4:45 in the morning to get him ready for work. She does hard things. She does holy things.

Lord, help me to do hard and holy things. Help me to be a godly woman – a woman who laughs, who leads others to Your cross, who surrenders dreams to You, and seeks You wholly.

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.” – Proverbs 31:30-31

taste & see [day 26-27]

taste & see [day 25]

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“When feelings of inadequacy come creeping in, let’s park our minds in God’s Truth.” – Lysa TerKeurst

I feel inadequate in MANY things. My job, my dating life, and even my writing. I could go on and on about other areas where I feel inadequate, but I’m not going to make that kind of list.

Some days I feel like I’m just not made out to be a substitute teacher. I struggle getting kids to sit down and listen. I struggle to explain basic math. My other friends excel in this, but I feel mediocre. & honestly, it stinks feeling mediocre.

I feel inadequate being a mentor. I’ve been blessed to get paid to be a mentor through a college scholarship program. I get to mentor two awesome college girls as they finish junior college and transition into a University. Some days there is excellent conversation and other days, I feel like I’m just not asking the right questions. I’ll think to myself, “Was I designed to mentor someone? Do I know have my life together to help these young women?”

I even feel inadequate in relationships. It sounds so silly, but as many men and women struggle with this, I question if someone would even like me. Sometimes I feel like I’m not opening up or asking enough questions to get to know them. There are days when I’ve felt not pretty enough or smart enough to be dating them. Those are just lies I’ve been telling myself. (Over the years there has been dramatic change in this category – I am much more confident then I used to be)

I’m not the best writer. I try to read articles from other people to improve mine because I feel so terrible – like I’m pulling teeth trying to put a sentence together. I’ve questioned continuing my blog but God always says, “No, keep going.” Alright Lord, I’ll write more fragment sentences.

But like what Lysa TerKeurst said, we need to be parked in God’s truth. There we find our adequacy in life. There we find God, who fills up all the imperfections, the mess ups, the struggles, and we see how we are made whole in Him.

I will never be the best substitute teacher. I will never be the best mentor. I will struggle in my dating relationships. I’ll struggle writing. But what I do know is that God will give me all the power I need to accomplish what I need to do.

Just thinking about that again gives me so much encouragement. God will give YOU all the power YOU need to accomplish His work in YOUR life. You won’t find the power in a cup of coffee. You won’t find the power after getting 8 glorious hours of sleep. You won’t find the power after reading book after book about being the best ___________ [fill in the blank]. Yes, those things are resources, basic needs, and things that help (thank you Lord for coffee). But those things don’t give us the power because it’s only God who does.

“[Not in your own strength] for it is God Who is all the while effectually at work in you [energizing and creating in you the power and desire], both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight.” – Philippians 2:13 AMP

taste & see [day 25]

taste & see [day 23]

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“…I feel dissatisfied.”

After a day of coffee, delicious Italian food, and ending the night with froyo, I sat on a bench with my friend Hannah staring into the night sky.

“I just feel weird today” Hannah blurted. I was glad she said something first because I was afraid to express that same feeling. Why do I feel dissatisfied? Nothing wrong happened today – it was a good day.

But I felt dry inside – I didn’t feel happy.

It was in the instant that I knew I needed to get home, go into my room, and talk with God. I didn’t want to talk about how I feeling right then and there. There would of probably been tears in my froyo cup.  There was a heaviness that pushed me down and caused cracks in my soul.

So as we drove home, we listened to worship music – the need to start receiving whatever the Lord was going to give was desired.

I have come to this place in my life
I’m full but I’ve not satisfied
This longing to have more of you

It was as I wrote this song – this song was my heartbeat at the moment.

I can feel it my heart is convinced
I’m thirsty my soul can’t be quenched
You already know this but still
Come and do whatever you want to

I ached for this. Lord, please come.

I’m standing knee deep
But I’m out where I’ve never been
I feel you coming
And I hear your voice on the wind
Would you come and tear down the boxes
That I have tried to put you in
Let love come teach me who you are again

I’m a big cry baby but I didn’t want to cry in my friend’s car. It would just be messy. As we drove on, I sat motionless trying to figure out what God was just trying to tell me. But I grew restless not knowing because I heard nothing.

Would you take me back to the place
Where my heart was only about you
And all I wanted was just to be with you
Come and do whatever you want to 

& then I heard it: Be with me. Don’t try to look for answers. Come be with me.

There are many times in my life where I am seeking the Lord to get an answer or a sign and I never receive it. But that night, I realized something. He just wanted me to be with Him. Cling to Him. Cry and sit with Him. No words. Nothing. He knew that being in His Presence was all I needed. I needed Him. I needed to sit with Him. I needed to cry, sit on the corner of my bed, and raise my hands. I needed to be in His Presence.

His Presence is where I find peace. His Presence is where I find joy. His Presence calms the wild sea in my life. All that is done in His Presence. & I don’t need to complete a list of things to get into His Presence – no, I just walk in and sit down.

Do you need to get into His Presence? Do you need peace? Do you need hope for tomorrow? Sit with Him. You don’t even need to speak. His Presence is powerful and you will be changed just sitting in it.

“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you his peace at all times and in every situation. The Lord be with you all.” – 2 Thessalonians 3:16

Song is titled “Crash Over Me” by Bethel Music. 

taste & see [day 23]

taste & see [day 18-21]

ad50c1f0folks, I’m sorry that I’ve been MIA. I have not been feeling well these past few days. fever, chills, and feeling faint – it’s been odd and not fun. feeling better but staring at a screen makes me a little sick. so I appreciate you for reading my posts. hopefully by Monday I’ll be back in action.

read some of my old stuff 🙂

Guest Blog by Marshall Sandoval – https://bytheirfruit.wordpress.com/2012/06/30/guest-blog-to-my-sisters-in-christ/

Sleepwalking Through Life  – https://bytheirfruit.wordpress.com/2013/05/13/sleepwalking-through-life/

Working on my Hearts Core – https://bytheirfruit.wordpress.com/2011/12/13/working-on-my-hearts-core/

 

taste & see [day 18-21]